It’s confusing indeed.

Last night I went to see a movie called “Bye Bye Love”. It is an Israeli film and it was showing as part of the Jerusalem International Film Festival. The film is a documentary of several women, all Israeli, all divorced, all with kids. Their topic of discussion: how does love die? I was and still am very intrigued with the ideas these women presented.

I guess that before I would ask that question I would ask why do we believe love won’t die? They kept bringing up the word ‘fantasy’. That love doesn’t work because we believe in a fantasy, we expect the fantasy to happen to us – all of it, just as we imagine.

Each woman, over the course of the film, gave her own story – each was more heartbreaking than the last. It was heavy, the emotions and pain these women spoke about felt like it was hanging palpably in the air. Beating. Cheating. Frustration. Fleeting youth. Feeling trapped. Self-deception. Disappointment. Loneliness.

How is it that for all the people looking for deep and meaningful love, so few seem to find it? Better yet, why when it ends does it have to be a failure? I loved someone. I loved him entirely. It was big love. It filled me. Changed me. But I don’t think it is a failure because it isn’t that way anymore. I don’t feel like I failed, the opposite, really. And I am excited for love to come again…

One woman said that even though she wasn’t with her husband anymore, she still loved him. Love doesn’t die. I agree.

Another said that men are only good for one thing, they can’t be good for more than one: friend, partner, lover, etc. I don’t agree.

One, a stripper by trade, was the scariest of them all. She didn’t believe love existed at all – it was entirely a socially constructed fantasy. Love can’t happen, we are fooling ourselves. It is all sex – sex is love. She was thought that all men were incapable of being the other half of the fantasy that society provides. Interestingly, though, towards the end of the film her hard exterior started to fade and she sheepishly voiced her own desire for love – despite all her doubts.

The one who spoke most to me was a woman who explored the idea of expectations. Love dies because of the rules and expectations that we apply to it. Maybe we have such demanding expectations of what love will be that we keep it from thriving. “I want my partner to look like this and believe this and have these political leanings and have this lifestyle and behave this way and do these things and have this career and live in this place and have this diet and wear these clothes and want this many kids and make this much money and like to do these things….how long is your list? Maybe all those things are important? I’m not convinced.

I am, however, absolutely NOT free of hypocrisy in that respect.

In my last chunk of time in cuse with my parents they got a wee bit frustrated with an expectation I said I believed was necessary for me to have in looking for love. “The guy has to be vegetarian,” said little eve in her idealistic chattering.

I will leave ya’ll with the following news then:

I found a long term place to lay myself down – close to Pardes, vegetarian, big bed, big room, nice Israeli roommate, complete with dog!
My ulpan (Hebrew classes) starts next week.
I found a great yoga teacher in Jerusalem and went to my first class in months yesterday and it was amazing.
And in regards to my last comment about my own hypocrisy – I am starting to like a certain guy here in the holy land, and he is not fellow veggie…hmmmm….