I have been back in this crazy country for about a month now.
Wait, wait wait…
I never wrote about my time in America.
Let me give some highlights:
Countries Visited: Canada, The United States of America
States Visited: NY, CT, NJ, FL.
Places Visited (in order): Montreal, Ottawa, Syracuse, Jersey, Ithaca (Moosewood!), Sonenbourg (spelling?:) gardens, Surprise Lake Camp, The Isabella Friedman Retreat Center, Jacksonville FL.
New Members of the Family: One – our new puppy Hannah (otherwise known as Fuzzy Butt or Foxy Brown)
People Seen: Mom and Pops, Mishpish and my Branabear and a Tom, Michael and Diane, Hells Bells, one rather snarky:) orthodoxanarchist, Weeza, Brandon, a Rachel and an Avi, Varda, one Donald, one Taara, Min, cuz x2
Times Had: one wedding, one Jewish holiday, several shabatot (sabaths), one tree hugging Jewish conference, 3 days in Montreal – the best city in North America (thus far explored by my little legs), a bit of shopping, getting my mom off the damn couch, finding our new SUPER cute puppy, playing with my niece, one night of no sleep trying to change my airplane ticket with the most horrible airline (ie Israir), lots of yarn purchased, one dishcloth and one hat knit, one new LYS (local yarn store) discovered in Cuse, one lyme disease scare, one night at a Jewish-Hippie-Paradise. While there were many other times had, I will end with this: one big cry as my plane took off from Syracuse for good for this visit.
Why the tears? I miss my home. You heard it here. I have been causing a ruckus in more places than I can remember since I last spent that much time at home. I have never felt homesick before. Being home was actually pretty easygoing. No big fights, not too much yelling (which, of COURSE doesn’t signify a fight, it is just a little talking in a loud voice:), really good time with friends and family. It was good to be home for the first time in a year. But I must admit I was a little nervous about my time there before I left Israel.
What would all of ya’ll think about my new life? My changes of my heart, my lifestyle changes, etc. Would you be mad at me for leaving in the first place? Would me relationships still be strong? What will have changed?
Well. I was a little…surprised….things went pretty smoothly with the keeping kosher thing. I got only support for the most part – aside from the few jokes made at my expense. All of my chevre just wanted me to explain myself and then let it go – it’s me, and that was all they seemed to care about. I was home and they were happy about it.
When I landed in Montreal for my first stop on summer tour ’07 the immigration/border chic asked me what they always ask: what is the purpose of your trip? Simultaneously I answered both in my head and with my mouth:
Mouth: Leisure.
Head: To see what I have left behind. What can I take with me, and what do I gotta let go?
Not surprisingly, I haven’t figured it out yet. I have decided to let some parts of my life go, accept them as part of my history – an invaluable part and irremovable part of my history. That’s where they stay. Some parts though, I haven’t figured out if they can come along for more of the ride.
The friends that are selfish and bring me only worry and sadness, but whom I care about and want to see get better and believe they can be a positive part in my life? The friends connected to others who I have decided to release back into the realm of “stranger” – can I still keep them in my life in a way that is fair for both of us?
I don’t know if I got to the answers but I explored the questions. So, like often in my studies and time here I have to be satisfied in the exploration. In learning Jewish text we come to understand that it is not the answer that is most important, but the right question and the integrity to honestly search its depths for all the answers you can find.
So, I am asking.
I left feeling a little ridiculous for being nervous in the first place. I should have known that my close friends and my family would be just as ecstatic to see me as I was to see them. It was really special to be around so many of the people who inspire me, who I love and miss. I left happy, even if a little homesick. Because, for now, this place is my home. And I am glad to be back. I am laying in my new bed in my new apartment. Things are good for me here. My month of ulpan (intensive Hebrew study) is almost over and I can feel the results of 6-8 hours a day of work put in. My class was small mostly older students. One rabbi, 3 rabbinical students, one early 40s acupuncturist from Boston who I have become friends with and is studying for the coming year at my school, one Bulgarian who is a new immigrant, a mid 40s Christian biologist from Florida, and a few others thrown in the mix. And me. My teachers are amazing. So sweet and really good at explaining things. I keep thinking about my horror of a teacher at McGill and how I hated going to class because I wasn’t sure if she was the devil or not. Still not sure. My Hebrew is much better now and I can read a lot in the newspapers and understand more on the radio….slowly I improve…slowly.
There is more to say, as always, and I have to tell you about my week still…I meant to do that but now it is 2:30 and I have to wake up in just a few hours for class. So perhaps tomorrow I will fill you in on my week. It was a particularly good week. Lots happened. I was happy. So, lots to tell. For now though here are some pictures of my time in America.
Sweet dreams and big hugs.
And if I don’t get a chance to say it again – thank you to all of you who made efforts to see me: picking me up from bus stations, driving in from Boston, taking time off from work, etc. I was so happy to see all of you. Thanks guys!!!
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