time is short...but also sweet so it works out...

well, this is my last post from the US. I fly next Wednesday to israel. I have it all: my passport, more luggage than i want to contend with a ride from the airport, an apartment to lay down my shite, a key to said apartment. I have run more errands in the last two weeks than i have done in as long as i can remember - in such a compact time that is. I thought I should post some pictures of my house in cuse. i grew up here and it is a truly beautiful place. the work my parents put into the garden is so evident when you walk around. you can sit in the back and watch countless birds come and eat at the dozen or so places set out for them. but if a deer comes god help it cause if it touches my momma's hosta she'll come at it with a vengence. many of you have never been to my home - so here it is. I will give pics and a little explanation for many. no matter how much i at times try to fight it, this will always be home. i have made a lot of homes in my life, it is time to go make another...

time to go spend shabbas chillaxin...peace












this trellis leads up to one of my bedroom windows. its flowers send a sweet smell into my room when they are in bloom. i remember being a small girl and my sister's boyfriend climbing the trellis to speak to her - and then many years later the same thing happening to me...doesn't it look like a fun climb men?:)











i spent endless hours in this creek in my backyard. in the winter we would run in the ice and then run in and warm up when we fell through and soaked our boots. some places are deep and we would swim in the summers. ducks go by from time to time. after it rains i like to go in back and watch it swell...we used to take tubes and float down till we couldn't go anymore...so many memories













looking back through the gate to where the creek runs. i remember the day my father hung that rope for me to swing on...i love that he left it there even after I left.




















this tree has been leaning across the creek for as long as i can remember...to an adult: a branch. to a child: a bridge and endless source of playing



























while beauty is one word you could apply to the house, another is quirky. when a plow knocked down our mailbox in the winter my father jimmy-rigged a stilt i haven't seen since i was pre-pubescent (HOW do they still have these things?:) to the post to support it. it never stays closed and it sways in the breeze. i suppose this isn't funny unless you know my pops, but i think its hilarious













my momma's pride and joy - her giant split leafed hydrangea













a rose from the garden. really, i don't know how to begin to explain how good this flower smells. it is exquisite.













my pops put a bird house in the back and finches made a nest in it. you can't really tell from the pictures but there is a baby finch in their - when i took the pic her mom and pop were flying around chirping frantically...sorry to scare you, little guys.












in the front, right outside one of the windows, my pops put a bird feeder right in one of the trees. the birds love it. all day long there are several gold finches on it. their yellow is enough to make noa swoon, nance.

Man, there is something absolutely delightful about getting a project to total completion - ready to be used or given away. I swear this is the last thing i am committed to make others for a long time. I haven't made anything for myself since the fall and I think I am ready! Up next: big warm sweater that covers my skinny freakin tush - i am heeding all you who have warned me about J-town's cold winters. But COMMON! they can't possibly come anywhere near Montreal's. If I never wait again for a bus on the corner of Sherbrooke and Peel at 11PM in -20 C before windchill again....it is fine by me:) So, yes, next comes a wonderful sweater out of one of my favorite knitting books, stich n' bitch. I have had the yarn for about 3 months - since I got back from jerusalem in March but I am just starting it now.

The piece below is essentially a sock for a picture frame. I wanted to knit a picture frame for my friend weeza's grad present. Now, she is a fabulous industrial designer who is soon going to land a fabulous job in Boston...i can just FEEL it! So, I wanted it to be of a really nice quality. I picked great wool, took time deciding how large I wanted the coverage of a 4 by 6 to be, how it would hang, etc. While I made some changes to the last piece I completed (the backgammon board, or shesh besh if you prefer) in its pattern, this piece is my first completely self-designed pattern. I know it may seem like a small deal, but here's hoping it is a sign of fabulous designs to come. In any case, the photo in the frame is of the two of us when I went in to cuse for her grad weekend (and momma's day). Happy being out of college and entering "being an adult" land. Hah! adult! There are such cooler things to do...but we all succumb eventually:) I kid you.

Ok, now I am rambling at 2:45 in the morning. But as a last thought I leave you this: yesterday a 25 year old syracuse man died from wounds inflicted by a drive by shooting. the shooting took place about a 3 minute drive from where i live and was at the time. It was also in the next block from a friend's house where I spend lots of time when i am in cuse. Right now I have been listening, in an unrelated event I believe, to a helicopter for about an hour fly what sounds like around and around my house. Hmmmmm....so why do helicopters fly around a few square blocks for an hour at 1:30 in the morning. They MUST be looking for a house to buy. It's a pretty quaint part of town. Or could it be searching for something else. I bring up these two things for one because i can't sleep with that helicopter sounding like it is right outside my window (and actually being in sight from time to time), but also because i don't need to go to Israel to feel unsafe. Some of you have expressed concern for my safety in Israel. I don't deny that it is an unstable place. But I don't have to be in Israel to have my safety jeopardized and i think Americans, and others, are beginning to understand that. I promise I will try to avoid things that are obviously bad ideas - for example, no matter how much I want to go into the West Bank and Gaza I will not when there is serious civil strife and/or an Israeli offensive going on. I believe that troubles come our way no matter where we live or what we do. We might as well be where we wanna be and do what we wanna do if at all possible. I am choosing a path where my heart and head guide me. Perhaps I am being irrational.

a friend today, in a piece of writing on his website, defined the term 'individual truth' as something which, "we create using the tools we have been given—various communal truths, rationality, and gut feeling." I like that. I don't know which, of those three components, is guiding my decision to head to Israell. I do know that I am following my gut. I made a rational decision making process in order to come to the decision. And I don't believe that i would have chosen WHAT i have chosen to do there if i weren't being pulled along with the communal truths that are so much a part of my world view.

with that, and the fact that the helicopter has been gone for about 10 minutes now, i leave you for a good nights sleep, I hope I was coherent...

i hope that i can even get to israel...the roads that i would need to take to get downstate are almost all flooded our right now and closed. shiza. it is a balagan.



p.s. - hey mrs. d. What do you think for the frame: hand made or home made:)?

my teeth feel vindicated.

Just so yall know, that copyrighted "usual and customary" payment that my dental would not tell me before i went to the dentist or after...

100 bones!


take that you freakin insurance agency. not so copyrighted anymore!!!! haaaa! now the world will know!

ok, i know i sound nuts at this point, but i can accept that:)

sleep well, and dream of honest insurance agencies.

a very special night.

Here are a few pictures of us and the girls from our last night together as a house. Let me explain.

A few days before a few of them begged me to take them to Taco Bell, they have a minor obsession...oy. so, we are in the car and we get into a conversation about naughty things students do...like sneaking out and the like. now, my girls are an extremely good bunch of girls and I really don't think they have snuck out...i had freshman...i don't think they have the guts yet...thankfully:). i often found it ridiculous to think about the stuff i had gotten myself into by their age...yikes. so. they corroborate what i believed...at least they told me they have never snuck out. We are having a good laugh in my car at this point when one of the girls gets very serious and tells me that she wants me to help them sneak out. Now, granted I was leaving my job in 5 days, but obviously that isn't the smartest thing to do. so, i tell them that the thought is crazy...but i was smiling inside cause they gave me the idea for our final night that i had been looking for. a staged sneak out!

i plotted, schemed, and planned.

the second to last night i talked to each girl in my house and told them that i had something special planned for them - but that no other students and no other faculty knew about it. keep it quite, whispers the little woman, or else. man am i tough...hehe...sure:)

I don't wanna give away all our special details, but suffice it to say that i convinced them that i was helping them sneak out:

me: "ok, girls, lets bust the ^&$^$%# outa here!"

they believed me!

or at least till we were picked up on the side of the road and taken away for a late night trip to a diner and visiting a certain family's newly acquired house:) below are some pictures of our silliness with sparklers and glow in the dark chalk and new-house-exploration. i am fond of the picture of me. one of the girls took it, my co-houseparents are behind me - which was literally the case through the whole year. i feel it captures my emotions at the moment very well - i was crying... sad to be leaving my girls and my co-workers who are so dear to me...but trying to be strong for my girls who were even more water works than me. they are such wonderful women - i can't wait till they come to israel in two years for their junior year and i see them again. We had a good time that night...they have brought me so much joy....

i know i am late in posting these by a few weeks, but, enjoy!

Jerusalem

I went to Jerusalem in March. Pardes brought me over to help me make up my mind as to whether the educators program was the right choice for me. I realize, looking back at my blog entries that I haven't told you all about it. It was an interesting week, so here you go.

I arrived on a Monday. I stayed for my first night with Varda's cousin. Their apartment was close to the Holyland hotel. It was an interesting place to stay, i had stayed at the holyand hotel back in 99 when i was in Israel for the summer. They fed me a yummy vegetarian meal and then took me out to a cafe in ein kerem. they took me on a drive after that, a little tour of j-town. Our last stop was a promenade. There was an exquisite view of the city - they pointed here and there and told me what things were. End first day.

I woke up early the next day and took a shower to wake up and be ready for my first day at pardes. I arrived right on time, Nurit gave me a lift. But, it took me a few minutes to find the door I was supposed to go in and then i found that it was padlocked and of course i didnt have a code. Then a guy on a moped pulls up, gets off his bike and comes over...yes, i had to get help to get into the building...SO the first day of school:)

I was given a schedule and then thrown to the wolves so to speak. I sat in on bible class first, the third level, kita gimel. It was a nice introduction to the place i must say. Levi Cooper was the teacher and apparently he has a little celebration when people have simchas (happy occasions, like a birthday for example). The person celebrating brings in a little booz and a little food and each person in the class says a few words praising the person. It was nice to see that there were warm feelings to be had in the place and it was a welcoming feeling from the start. I was in chevruta (study pair) with a few girls, i didnt even have a chance to ask, they asked me to join in. I think they are used to it - people come in all the time, i believe, and sit in on classes to get a feel for the place. The first few minutes of the classes all started in a similar way - a few minutes of catching up, reviewing a certain text or introducing a new concept that would be explored, etc, and then we were released to the beit midrash (the house of study, literally) to work through the text being studied by the class. We went at our own speed in our chevrutas and used each other, the text, and some other resources - it was just what i wanted, what i craved. it felt SO good to use my brain in that way again...i can't say i didn't feel a tinge of annoyance at not being given similar opportunities this past year when i had been guaranteed that it was a part of the fellowship. as time went on i felt more and more sure that i should enter the program. I talked to dozens of the students and several of the teachers while I was there. I had shabbas with them, had meals with them, asked a gadgillion questions. I wanted to be as critical as I could of the place while keeping an open mind, nothing is ever what we expect it will be, after all:). There were a few times when i was very concerned about choosing pardes - when i heard religiously intolerant things come out of the mouths of students mainly, but also concerns about the quality of the masters in ed part of the program. the Judaics are out of this world as are the teachers...that never came up as a concern.

Of course, i can't live for three years with only school to do...i need to have more! I had a few goals other than checking out the school. I wanted to walk the city - all over the city. I wanted to get a feel for it, if i could party there, if there were good yoga studios, good food, could i live on the stipend, could i find a place to live easily, could i find a place to doven FINALLY that was right for me. the list goes on.

I spent Tuesday and Wednesday and Thursday at Pardes for the entire day - essentially from 730 or so until 9 or 10. It was very intense. Then on Thursday they had a trip to yad v'shem - the holocaust museum and memorial in jerusalem, really for those who were going to poland on the pardes trip in a few weeks, but they let me tag along. i haven't been to the new museum and it was very moving, as these types usually are. I couldn't really remember what it was like before. but, I always find the same things most meaningful - the creation of art, music, literature, poetry and the like be people living in the hell holes of the holocaust. so...

after those intense days and the even more intense visit to yad v'shem i felt a need to take it easy. I went out with one pardesnik and some others. like i said above, i can't live in a city i can't go out in and have a good time...in that not so good girl way:) what can i say, sometimes i wanna go out with friends and have a few drinks...

so he took me out to a few places, the group of us went dancing, to a hooka bar, an irish (i think:) pub, etc. the night was fun and it flew by...and i found out that, indeed, one can have a rather fun time in the holy city:) check.

I spent friday and saturday walking around the city, this way and that, getting lost in the old city and finding myself in a procession of hundreds of muslim men making their way to the temple mount (it is really confusing!), having shabbas with people in the educator program, and i went out to eat with nurit and yitzi again on motzei shabbas (sat night). I had a really nice time and, man, can some of those jews cook:)

sunday was spent much in the same way as the first three days in jerusalem, except for an odd interview-thing that i had in the morning with two of the people who work with the educators and a representative from the program's major funder. I had already been accepted, but the representative-guy didn't know that before he got there and just before i was going to go in, someone came in the room and asked why I was being interviewed if i had already been accepted...it was a balagan im telling you...it was a confusing situation for me to navigate...but, hey, it all turned out all right:) before i left at the end of the day i handed in the paperwork signing my life away to pardes for the next three years - i felt confident (and still do) that it was the right choice. I headed to a new found friend's house, the one who was kind enough to take me out on the town on thursday, to hang out a bit before i got on a 13 hour plane ride back to NYC. I ate dinner. I went to the airport. I bought copious amounts of israeli chocolate for my students and friends. I got on my plane. I left israel, excited to return in a few months and start a new chapter of my life. By the way, that chapter begins in less than two weeks. shiza.

packing. cleaning. paper-working. familying. darkrooming. leaving. making a life in israel.

nance, you asked how i can stand the wait until i leave. the answer: i can't. but i am doing important stuff here...and time is short.

be well, all you wonderful folk.

proud knitting...

here is my latest completion - a knit backgammon board. I altered the pattern a bit - I added a back (which nancy knit for me, yay joint projects!). One thing I love about knitting is that I take it everywhere so the finished project is in part a collection of the memories of all the places where i took it out, made progress, didn't make progress, let others take their first stabs at knitting, in airports, on buses, in cars, sitting in the movie theatre, eating a quick lunch, laying sick in bed, falling asleep with the needles crossed over my chest in mid-stitch....this project saw syracuse, greensboro, new york, and i even took it to Jerusalem with me in March. It was a present for Andy, my mentor, my friend, my co-houseparent this past year. It was a thank you...i have this vision that he will have lots of laughs and good times with it, his crazy wonderful wife, his four beautiful children and the incredible people who are sure to be drawn to his home in the future. I don't feel like I can ever really thank him enough. i haven't met anyone quite like him before and I am very proud - of him and his unfailing commitment to his values and high ideals, AND i am proud of this labor of love and its stories. Here are some pics. And on a side note, today is my pop's birthday. He is 62 - he could start collecting social security and retire, but i don't think he sees that on the horizon. You are old, old man.

And God said, let there be options...

Now, what options am I referring to? Well, this is particularly for all my ladies out there, but if you are interested my male friends, then by all means keep reading. A few years ago, one of my friends let me in on a secret...there are alternative products to use when our dear aunt flow comes to town. I don't need to get into all the messy details, but I truly found this information and several of these products to be useful and better than their commercially better known counterparts. These are reusable, better for the environment, don't contain the chemicals that are found in most other products, save you loads of money over time, are much more attractive (oh the pattern selection!), not to mention that one of the companies is canadian:). I could go on about the benefits, but those are the major ones and I will let you explore on your own. I won't give away the big secret of what products I frequent, but if any of you want my more detailed opinion, shoot me a line. The links are on the side of the page with all my other links of interest.

I found the information so wonderful and useful when I was told about it that i felt a need to pass it on, hope yall dont mind. End advertisement. :)


Happy fathers day to all my favorite fathers out there!!!


(ok, now i am really going to bed...it is 3am...yikes, where does the time go)

time with two most precious ladies

My time with my chicken little and sister big. 6492. That is the number of miles between them and Jerusalem. My heart already aches to be with them.

Bye Bye Greensboro, hello sunny...errr...Florida...

Ok, well, not so sunny. But still amazing as I am spending a week with my family in Jacksonville. I am here with Mishi and my Brana Bear. I only have a few more days with them - and then I won't be seeing them again until next June when I come back to the states for my month off. It is hard to think about not seeing them for so long...especially Brana. Kids change so fast. She is such a fun little sprite. She loves to hug and kiss and hold your hand and she her mantra is, "Doda, play with me!!!" Any of you out there who have met her know how good she is to be around.

[update - she just woke up and came to cuddle next to me and watch morning cartoons while I write to all of you:)]

So, just a few things before i go start my day with them...

When I got my car checked out a few weeks ago they told me I needed a new battery within 2-3 weeks. I figured I could get one in cuse since i ran out of time and was rushed in GSO...you might be able to guess where this is going. I stopped about an hour into my drive to sleep for 20 minutes so I didnt drive off the road and actually make it to Israel. So I pulled off into a Food Lion Parking lot...long story short, my car was completely dead. I don't know why I was so amused at my situation, but I absolutely was. A nice woman helped me get to a car place and the mechanic drove me back out to my car and fixed me up. What I found so amusing was that I managed to break down in the parking lot of a supermarket. It could have been at the rest stop in West Virginia with no one else there and only equipped with toilets that smelled and didn't work...but no...it was at a supermarket in a town where I could get help...maybe I was amused because I was utterly exhausted and I needed to laugh because my heart was heavy after leaving my life at the academy. It has been an exhausting week.

On Thursday my girls left..it was impossibly sad to see all their rooms empty on Thursday night...and then to say goodbye to Nancy and Andy and Ariella...I miss them so much...

On Wednesday was the last night with the students, I staffed the lock in, hung out with the students all night...i took my girls out as a suprise with Andy and Nancy...we went to see their new house and to an all night diner called Herbie's - complete with an old bug attached to the front...i will tell y'all more about it when I can get my computer connected to the internet and post pics.

For now, I am going to go and play with my sweet sweet niece and enjoy the rest of my time with them. I head back to cuse to be with folks there on Friday. Beach tomorrow. I love the water:).

much love to you all

ps - as i went to baggage claim in the jacksonville airport i noticed that they had, not a chapel, but what they called a "meditation space" set aside...I thought that was interesting...chew on that for a while:)

Urgent Update!

Ok, I just overheard a conversation so obsurdly ammusing that I had to post again in the same night just to tell you all about it. Shiza was I rolling on the ground laughing.

Three students were having a discussion outside my house where I happened to be standing. This is how it went:

Student one: You can smoke more than weed to get you high. You can smoke hemp.

Student two: No you can't!

Student Three: Yeah, you totally can't - it wont do the same thing.

Student One: Yeah you can, I know people who have.

Student Two: No you can't...I've tried...

*a few minutes later*

Student Two: Did you hear what [studen't name whom I obviously can't mention]'s house did? They cut up a tea bag and and rolled it into a joint and told him it was weed. He smoked it and said he was high...then he realized he wasn't and changed his mind.



Moral of the story: I live with dozens of teenagers. While people of all ages do very silly and embarassing things, teenagers seem to do more than others. Often this is hilarious for those of us here who aren't teenagers. This is one of those times.

my teeth and my insurance company don't get along...

I don’t know where this week has gone. For the most part, though it went to the dentist, packing, and getting around town seeing friends and finishing up work. I still haven’t finished it all yet…I am trying!

Today I went to the dentist. I first went last Friday for my checkup after staying up most of the night studying Torah at something called “tikkun layl”. We stayed up all night with the students and different staff members (mostly my fellow fellows) led sessions. I led a session with one of my green friendly students called “The Gesher Nesher (the eagle bridge – a foot bridge on campus): Judaism and Environmentalism.” It went well – we looked at three main ideas: nature as didactic imagery in the Bible, human as steward vs. human as one who subdues, and God’s ownership over creation. The text we decided to use for the last was this:

But ask the beasts, and they will teach you; the birds of the sky, and they will tell you; or speak to the earth and it will teach you; the fish of the sea, they will inform you. Who among all these does not know that the hand of the eternal has done this? (Job 12:7-9)

Why is it that the rest of creation, according to this text, inherently recognizes God’s ownership; why do all but humans seem to naturally understand God’s role in creation and our temporary use of these resources?

What I love about this passage is the suggestion that there is much to be learned from the animate and inanimate parts of the universe – and that these derive value not from their utility for humans, but from their status as God’s creations (I really don’t agree with all the mumbo jumbo about science and torah being at odds). They are valuable not for what they do for us, but simply because they are. Ok…I wanna go for a hike now…too bad I am working…soon soon. Here ends tree-hugger tangent…

So, back to the dentist…

I went last Friday. But the story does not begin there. It all started when my Mom gave me a guilt trip for not going to the dentist since I had paid into the insurance all year. So, I started doing some research. After being ripped off earlier this year for going for a yearly checkup of another sort, I decided to proceed slowly and with caution. I sent an email to the faculty list of our school entitled, “Please, help my teeth.” I asked if anyone had suggestions about how to utilize our insurance and who was a trustworthy dentist in town. I also called the insurance company. They told me that I was 100% covered for a checkup twice a year – as long as it fell within the Usual and Customary (UNC as they called it). Here is where the problem begins – they wouldn’t tell me what that rate was so I could find a dentist whose fees fell within it. They said the dentists would know. So I called the dentists next. They were hostile to say the least, and one even hung up on me mid-questioning. Result: no dentist would provide this information either. What a load of crap. But wait, it gets better.

I called my insurance again, asking why they wouldn’t tell me what the UNC was, since I could figure it out rather quickly once I got my reimbursement check from them and it see what it didn’t cover. They said that indeed they did have this information, but it was COPYRIGHTED, that’s right folks, copyrighted. At this point I flat out started laughing into the guys ear. You have gotta be kidding me. This is crap.

So, I did what I could do. I found a nice dentist who I heard didn’t overcharge and today I went for the second time– the first time being after I stayed up all night studying Torah and then proceeded to almost fall asleep in the chair. I am not so fearful of the dentist – except for when I was getting Novocain shots I was humming and talking with the folks while they played with a drill and went to work…what a weird way to spend your days…looking at people’s hot and stinky mouths. Someone’s gotta do it right?

May you all have healthy teeth and honest insurance companies...

(by the way…I will be on a plane for Israel in exactly one month…b”h)

Cartoon me